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I hold many seemingly contradictory beliefs around women, men, sex, money, motherhood, labor, etc.
In my 20’s BEFORE having a kid, being partnered long-term with a man & living domestically together (unmarried & staying that way)…
I was so here for the “I’m an independent hard-working woman and I can pay my own bills and splitting 50/50 means I have equality!”😭🫠
Well that’s changed.😂
I wish I could remember who I heard say this, but it landed SO HARD in my body as truth.
To paraphrase she said “women who are splitting bills 50/50 with men are funding their own oppression and calling it feminism.”
Now that I’ve spent YEARS not being compensated for ALL of the visible & invisible, emotional, domestic, childcare labor…
not to mention carrying, birthing, breastfeeding & being the default parent raising my daughter (while society devalues ALL of that & doesn’t classify it as work)…
Taking HOURS of unexpected time off since I work for myself from home when my daughter is sick, driving her to family’s homes for childcare (which I’m so grateful for & it added up to 2 hours a day of driving so I could go home to work), paying for in-home childcare & house cleaners out of my own pocket, the stress on my body, making meals all day when she’s home…
Motherhood itself IS a full-time job. But it’s not valued in our society. It’s just expected of us. Free labor.
While my partner got raises, new jobs & made more money…my business suffered & over the last 2 years my income was cut by like 75% & has been slowly rebuilding. While I rebuild my SELF.
I was too exhausted to treat it like a business—it became a hobby I maybe had time for.
I’ve been doing research and this is SO common when career women or women entrepreneurs have children. Their income massively dips while their partners’ goes up. Same with quality of life.
Unless they have paid support, but even then—sometimes it’s not enough.
I’m NOT here for trad wife energy.
I believe women should have their own bank accounts & money separate from any man.
I never signed up to be a stay at home mom and sacrifice my career, desires, potential, but this happens for so many women.
They can’t keep up with all of the labor.
My problem with the 50/50 thing?
It allows men to get away with doing, providing, offering or contributing less while exploiting women…but convincing her it’s a power move. It’s “feminism.”
So while she feels like an independent woman badass powerhouse paying half the bills (or more for some women), the man is NOT taking on more labor.
He’s simply getting a bargain. So she’s paying more and doing more while he’s paying less and still doing less.
How is that power or empowerment?
How is that freedom?
For the men who do pay most or all of the bills, but act like they’re superior, being financially inconvenienced because she lives there & spends his money or likes she’s leaning on him for security…
…grown ass men would STILL need to pay rent/mortgage & utilities living alone, but then if a woman moves in (& they have kids) but he pays the bills, he feels entitled to her. Like she’s some leech.
Imagine if he actually had to pay the legit rates for every job title she holds?
*LIVE-IN* chauffeur to kids, grocery shopper, nanny, maid, house manager, chef, appointments manager, s*x worker, emotional support & therapist, the improvements on his quality of life she offers, benefits & rewards he receives having her on his arm & being a “family man” in the eyes of others, especially other men, etc.
He’d have a MUCH BIGGER bill than what his current rent, groceries, utilities cost. Which he’d STILL have to pay if he was single.
Most men could not afford a woman if they actually had to pay her.
Yet most men act like they’re doing & sacrificing the most when they’re actually getting a bargain—a bargain that costs her more in the end than she expected.
The loss of self, stress, emotional distraught & sense of carrying it all, desires that can’t be prioritized due to lack of energy or her own funds, autoimmune disease, chronic fatigue & exhaustion, the sense of worth that gets all muddied in having to prove her roles are just as valuable just because he works out of the house or makes more money.
I believe women should center their own desires, life, potential, make their own money but also be compensated & supported (financially & in other ways) if partnered & especially if she has his children.
And we have to be careful not to slip into tradwife territory where she carries the brunt of the labor but her husband holds the financial power & controls the purse strings (& her).
And a very real stat that needs to be considered?
How many women die💀 at the hands of an intimate male partner.
It’s high-risk & low-reward to be in relationship with men. Unless they make it worthwhile—financially.
Not to mention how many women lose themselves in motherhood & relationship.
This is why more women are remaining single & child-free. I’m here for it.
I’m here for de-centering men, the patriarchy & male gaze while centering yourself—single, dating or partnered.
This is why I’m working on a book called SELF-CENTERED WOMAN & about to launch a paid membership called SEX MONEY POWER…
It takes high standards & self worth to claim your value as a woman do see it as inherent…not attached to how much $$$ you make or don’t, being chosen by a man, having kids, etc.
It takes high self esteem, standards & self worth to demand compensation for labor that’s been expected of you for free simply because you’re a woman.
It’s felt edgy to say some of these things so honestly.
Some of them more terrifying because I’m in a partnership with a man I love.
But these are my beliefs & I refuse to not be honest. I wish women had been honest with me.
In case this isn’t clear by now…😂🔥
I’m into matriarchy, anti-trad wife, pro-women’s rights (ALL women), believe women should hold more money, power & wealth, love female-led relationships & situations that center women & their desires & fill their bank accounts, fully support sex workers, I am a dominant woman, believe men need to pay reparations to women, don’t believe in a male God sky daddy but worship a red-hot & holy Goddess, support 4b movements or women remaining single & child-free, but also believe mothers deserve to be well compensated & deeply supported & children deserve free healthcare, food, education.
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